Fanservice
by sweet-and-simple
Summary: Gaara's mom was the kind of psycho who had to be at every cosplay convention that ever was and could ever be. Gaara... well, he just wanted to get the hell out before - "GAARA!" - crap. One-sided GaaLee, NaruLee, GaaNeji AU Cosplay


"Gaara" was his American mother's poor attempt to do his half-Japanese heritage proud. Also, it had been her attempt to say "Gooru" hyped up on pain killers and attached to a blood bag after having a C-section.

What should have been "Serene am I" came to mean "Moth Defect".

Of _course_ she could have corrected the nurse's mistake when she went to sign the birth certificate, but she came to think that "Gaara" sounded much more successful than "Gooru".

But that wasn't the worst of it. The absolute, most horrible part of it was that, in 1997, on the verge of turning three, a sick son of a bitch came out with the pilot chapter of his new and original manga _Naruto_.

Gaara's grandmother had had scarlet red hair so damn vibrant it was like her head was on fire twenty-four/seven. Gaara inherited that feature. And then he so happened to have blue-green eyes. Hell if he knew where he got them from.

It was just fucking ridiculous how alike he was to the anime character Sabaku no Gaara. But, again, that wasn't the half of it.

When Gaara turned eight, the anime came out and what did his mom choose to watch for Halloween that year? If you said _D. Gray Man_, you're wrong and you need to get with the plot of the story. That didn't come out till years later.

No, she was watching _Naruto_. And he was forced to watch it with her. It wasn't long before his room was wrapped in shuriken and kunai wallpaper and his mom was tucking him into bed with a plushie version of a character that looked scarily like him.

As a nine year old by that time, he had been very scared of that toy.

His mom began to frequent anime shops and cosplay conventions, dragging him along with her and gloating about her own "little cutesy desert coon". From carrying around a teddy to wearing fishnet and sashes to a red duster to kazekage robes – his mom would never leave him be.

Youtube had made him a sensation and being a sensation had turned him into an asshole. The love of nerds was annoying enough, but having the hatred of his fellow, non-nerd peers was enough to turn anyone into a douchebag. If he heard "Go back to your sandbox" one more time, he was going to fucking _kill_. If he didn't love his mom so much, he would have blamed her.

"Hey, Gaara!" crowed a Pokemon trainer, hat tipped forward and a Pokeball camera clutched in his hands. "Do the sand coffin thing!"

"Hey, Ash!" he snarled, "go fuck yourself."

Apparently, the trainer thought it was all part of the act because he only laughed and snapped a picture of Gaara's glorious middle finger. Gaara was halfway to wishing that he _could_ do sand coffin when a Bleach character charged in and kidnapped the Pokemon Trainer for a duel.

Somewhere in this Con, his mom was most likely showing off pictures of him growing up. Now seemed like a good time to go find her and get the hell out of dodge before –

"GAARA!"

Damn it.

He turned around just in time for a punk Naruto to grab him in a chokehold. In lieu of Naruto's signature orange jumpsuit, this one had opted for an orange wifebeater and camouflage cargo pants, head protector holding his head of blonde out of his face. "Heh, just the guy I was looking for!"

Gaara grabbed him by the meaty part between his thumb and pointer finger and dug in till the blonde released him with a yelp and then he twisted his arm behind his back. "No, I'm not just the guy you were looking for. Don't ever mistake me for that guy again."

"What the fuck's your prob- OW OW OW!" He forced Naruto on to the tips of his toes. "FUCK!"

He could _feel_ the unmistakable weight of video cameras on them and hear the whispered, "this is _so_ going on Youtube". Because, beyond being two guys in the midst of a fight, they were Gaara and Naruto in the midst of a fight during a cosplay convention.

Damn it!

And then Naruto planted his feet flat, stepped away out of his control, and used the grip Gaara still had on him to ram his shoulder into his belly and toss him over his back. "Bastard! Just come with me peacefully and we'll –" he jerked and keeled over backwards, landing hard on his elbow.

Gaara retracted his foot and lowered his stance, fists still held defensively close to his upper body as he eyeballed the fallen cosplayer.

It was the neatest thing to watch Naruto put all his weight on his shoulders, stretch his lower body over the rest of his torso and head, put his hands flat to the ground, and then flip successfully to his feet and slip into a low defense. "Just stop fighting me!"

"Stop bothering me!"

"NO!"

What a stubborn asshole. If Gaara let himself think about all those sleepless nights spent with his mom in front of the TV or reading all those disastrous manga books, he'd say that this Naruto was acting _perfectly_ like Naruto.

And if this Naruto _was_ just like Naruto, then Gaara was screwed. "What do you _want_ from me?"

"A picture!"

Gaara very carefully considered what his choices were. He could keep fighting with this wannabe… or he could just stand still through a picture and then leave. It wasn't like other people hadn't sneaked a few dozen snaps at him. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Fine. One picture."

"FINALLY! Geez, I wasn't expecting you to be so damn difficult about it!"

"Whatever."

"Alright, first, we've got to find L- er – Bushybrow!" He grinned and grabbed Gaara by his kazekage robes, dragging him in a random direction.

Damn it. This Naruto came with a Rock Lee. He was so _fucked_. Gaara closed his eyes and pretended, for a small moment, that he had no hair or eyes or name and that his mom wasn't a scary _Naruto_ fanatic. When he opened his eyes, however, the fantasy had yet to become reality and Gaara was nearing a refreshment table with punk Naruto becoming more excited by the second.

"Hey! HEY, Bushybrow! Look who I found~"

Gaara had turned his attention to the Lee he could see relatively close to Naruto's field of vision. In his personal opinion, there was a weight limit to spandex and this woman was not within that range.

"Why are you looking over there?" Naruto followed his gaze and tried not to wince. "Damn…" He pushed Gaara's entire head at a different angle.

Once upon a time, Gaara had been thirteen years old and had realized for the first time that girls were… very boring. They were bumpy and distasteful and he had decided to turn his back on the lot of them. Instead, he found himself ogling firm male ass. But, more than asses, he had always been attracted to eyes. Even at his moodiest, there was no being an asshole to a guy with nice eyes.

And this guy had _really_ nice eyes. They just swallowed his face up like onyx gems, framed with thick black eyelashes. The monstrous eyebrows were, sadly enough, authentic, but at least he had forgone the bowl cut and stuck with a braid that reached midway down his back.

But it was obvious he and the punk Naruto had come together. This Lee wasn't wearing the one-piece, one-size-fits-all jumpsuit Rock Lee was famous for; a camouflage wifebeater was coupled with orange Abercrombie pants. He was wearing the white bindings, however, as well as his head protector as a belt

He didn't look half as tough as the character he was playing at.

Lee met his eyes and turned brazen red, quickly ducking his head. "Bushybrow, I found Gaara!"

"I-I see…" He fiddled with his bandages. Gaara's eyebrows (which _weren't_ hairless, thank you very much) furrowed.

Wow, this Lee was a total puss.

Naruto leaned into his ear. "He has a huge fan crush on Gaara, it sucks the confidence right out of him."

"And you want a picture of me… for him?"

"Actually, you're taking the picture with him." He held up a camera and waved it around, grinning like a fox. Then he shoved Gaara towards Lee and they collided with a yelp from the long-haired raven. He clutched his fists to his mouth and shook against the redhead, eyes squeezed shut as he hunched into himself.

"Don't be like that, Bushybrow! I went through a lot of trouble to get you this picture, so look happy, okay?"

Gaara, maybe not so reluctantly, wrapped an arm around Lee's shoulders and waited for the raven to come back to himself. After a moment, he nodded and straightened up. Onyx eyes flickered open, focused on him, and a brilliant, dopey smile crossed the raven's face.

Gaara's heart stopped. It was the first time in years he thought to himself, or admitted to himself that he was thinking, that he really didn't mind being here. He didn't even realize that the camera was going off till he heard Naruto clearing his throat. "Hellooo? I'm done over here!"

Lee didn't seem in any rush to hurry off. "T-thank you for t-taking the picture w-with me…"

Looked like Rock Lee, acted like Hyuuga Hinata, made Gaara want to molest him like real life.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It wasn't any trouble for me."

"Liar!" snarled the blonde.

"Don't listen to him. He's a _dobe_."

Lee laughed but quickly quelled himself at Naruto's glare. "Sorry."

He grabbed Lee by the elbow and tugged. "Alright, alright, I took the pictures, thanks for letting me, blah, blah, blah, now why the _hell_ aren't you letting go of _my_ Bushybrow?"

"_Your_ Bushybrow?"

"Yeah! He's mine!" He pulled a little harder and Lee came close to stumbling out of Gaara's hold if he hadn't wrapped his arms around his waist. "HEY!"

He could just see the title of the Youtube video now. "Gaara & Naruto Battle 4 Lee's Love". Gaara would be damned if he came out the loser.

"U-um, guys?" Lee tried to interject and failed.

"He came here with me!" Naruto barked.

"You said it yourself, he loves me."

"I meant the character you're playing!"

"RU!" Lee shouted over them. "Stop fighting with GAARA!"

"But, _Ly_ –"

"No!" Lee – or _Ly_ – twirled himself out of Gaara's hold and Naruto's slack grip somehow managed to drag him against his chest where he smiled and settled contently.

His escape was mostly for the reason that Gaara was a little shocked. "Wait, so… your real name is _Ly_?"

The Rock Lee fanatic bit his lip and nodded.

"Why aren't you a bitter, _Naruto_-hating freak? Don't you hate it?" Like me, he thought to himself. Gaara had to ask.

Ly laughed a little nervously. "When I was a child, I was very shy and easily frightened by… everything. Anything. I didn't have many friends either, I had difficulty talking to other people. But then _Naruto_ came out! I saw Rock Lee and he looked just like me and we pronounced our names nearly the same – but he was better than me, he was so strong and determined… I wanted to be just like him. How could I hate _Naruto_ when it inspired me so?"

Gaara pinched the bridge of his nose. "First of all, you look nothing like Rock Lee. Rock Lee looks like a freak and you're gorgeous." Ly sputtered and flushed much to the obvious distaste of his friend. "Second of all, he is a _serious_ freak, you don't want to act like him. Don't talk like him either. Don't aspire to be him. Third of all – Are you two _together_?"

Naruto put one arm tight across Ly's shoulders and the other one banded around his waist. "And if we are?"

"If you are, then I am going to have to do something I swore I would never do."

Ly cocked his head curiously and the blonde glared at him, waiting for him to say possibly the worst thing that could ever be said in the history of things to be said when speaking to the ultimate foe.

"I challenge you to a fight,"Gaara stated coldly, "for the love of Ly."

"W-wait, I don't agree –"

"Deal!"

.

Gaara should have known that he would have his ass kicked by some douche dressed as Naruto. He held a wet paper towel to his split lip and glared at his reflection. Wow, what a way to look like a total puss in front of the guy he was trying to win over.

He took back what he had said earlier – he was _never_ coming back to another convention. If his mother chose to disown him, he would _still_ not go to another one. Now he knew why Gaara had tried to kill Rock Lee in the Chuunin Exams, he had seen this coming, that demonic bastard…

Wow. Gaara snarled at himself. He was nerding out on _Naruto_. What the fuck? "Damn it. I hate my life."

And then someone else walked into the men's room. Gaara turned his darkest look on the newcomer.

Neji paused and took a careful step back. "Right… You seem to want to be alone, so just let me…"

Gaara saw a flash of soft gray eyes that weren't contacts and his heart stuttered. Call him fickle, but… "Hey, wait. What's your name?" He might already be over Rock Lee.

It wasn't his fault. The guy had beautiful eyes.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm Hyuuga –"

"Your _real_ name."

"Oh… Neci…?"

"Neci? Isn't that a girl's name?"

The brunette narrowed his eyes at him. "Fuck you, I'm a guy."

"Just making an observation."

"You look like you've been a fight, anyway," Neci remarked.

"In other words, I look like shit?"

"Just about." He swaggered in entirely and nonchalantly took a urinal to himself. There was a respectful silence as Gaara lifted up his shirt and checked for more bruises. There were plenty. All he had to take comfort in was that he had given as well as he had taken, no matter the end result.

"My, you _are_ the perfect Gaara, aren't you?" Neci did up his pants and retreated to the sink, washing his hands slowly and meticulously. He kept his eyes on Gaara's bare torso. "I do fanart; maybe I could talk you into posing for me?"

Gaara snorted. "What? So you can draw me like a French girl?"

"Oh _no_. Not as a _girl_, anyway." Neci made it a point to drag his lip into his mouth and suck on it.

"… You _know_ I'm gay, don't you?"

"Well, unless you're packing a kunai down there or imagining that I have breasts…"

Gaara allowed an easy smirk to curl over his face. "And you're flirting with me, knowing that I'm gay. Is this an invitation to start something?"

"It's an invitation to pose for my art." Hands wet and lilac-smelling from the soap, he carded a hand through Gaara's hair. He raised an eyebrow at the overly familiar action and the ease in which Neci commenced it. "And then maybe something. But I suppose I should first ask your name?"

"Gaara."

"No, I mean your _real_ name. This is your real hair, isn't it? What dye did you use, this feels so natural…"

He grinned. "My real name _is_ Gaara and this _is_ my natural hair." Neci's disbelief turned slowly into shock when he realized Gaara wasn't joking. "Let me explain…"

.

Kakashi actually _slid_ across the floor, _Hello Kitty_ camera at the ready, and a small Iruka was pouting at her suddenly empty hands. "DADDYYYY!"

"It's okay, hon, daddy just has to do film this and then post it on Youtube…" Behind the mask, he was grinning like an idiot. "This is _incredible_."

"What is, daddy?"

He ducked down and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, camera still watching, and ruffled her hair affectionately. "You see those two guys?"

"… The ones doing smooches?"

"Yep, those two."

"I see them, daddy."

"That, my true love, is fanservice."

Little Iruka frowned in confusion. "What's fanservice?"

"This is."

Naruto had Rock Lee pressed against the wall, attacking his lips with his own as Lee squeezed his waist with his legs.

"Why does Nar'to look so hurt, daddy?"

"It's only makeup, hun."

"It doesn't look like makeup… Hey, daddy?"

"Hmmm?"

"Is that fanservice?" She pointed off towards Neji and Gaara exiting the men's restroom. Her innocent eyes were telling her that Neji's hand was somewhere where it shouldn't be and that Gaara's grin was a little too big for someone who shouldn't be enjoying being touched in no-no ways.

Her daddy crushed her in a hug. "Yes, my little one, that is. Now look away while daddy catches this on camera."

"Okay, daddy."

.

Author's Note: I've been watching an insane amount of cosplay on Youtube lately… It was all very wonderful. Everything in this story, minus Gaara's mom, was inspired by one Youtube video or another. Quite a few, actually. And I was trying out new pairings.


End file.
